The Work Diary

I have a solid sense of comedic timing. Story telling. But I've always liked listening to music. And sometimes performing on rare occasions when there was a strong likelihood that would come out more liked / favored / interesting than before. But that always required a certain type of audience and certain technically untaxing works to play on guitar.

2 Months ago I wanted to bypass performing more or less completely and dive right into writing. Because I understand some theory and can write stories, there should be some translation into song writing. But I'm finding that there isn't really a direct relationship AND that having a higher command of performance is such a useful and enjoyable asset. Performing helps with your musical timing, variety of devices, and sense of direction.

So keep up the performing, and the writing will become more interesting and ultimately easier down the road.

I know I need to spend time doing what I want to do, but that phrasing is so...vague. If I spend time doing something, then I wanna get something out of it - thats just rational behavior. But when I hover over myself I get distracted. - How long has it been? - I should do this everyday if I want it to go anywhere. - You're not good enough - maybe its too late? - Where is this all going??

And then I stop. Or call it "taking a break", and when evening comes I just write off the whole day as a loss.

Its hard to let go of that urgency to progress, but that phrasing is a mistake too isn't it because we progress all the time when not urgently studying. When we want something badly, we hunger for metrics to track growth, to measure against the average student, to estimate the timing until mastery, but this is how I sabotage myself. And I know it.

I have a picture in my mind of proficiency, but this picture has changed so many times over the years. When you pass maybe the half way mark between the origin and the picture, you inadvertently move the target much much further away - so you feel, particularly on bad days, that you haven't moved and are still staring at an impossible distance. But letting go of this urgency is an important milestone. I know I'll never make it to the picture because I'll always move it before I get anywhere near, so really measuring progress is the irrational behavior.

I know I need to spend time doing what I want to do, but that phrasing is so vague. Let go of where it will take you or where you're going and walk blindfolded for as long as you can. Eventually, you'll arrive at a different place.

I was standing on a foot bridge from Nakasu stretching out across the river toward a night market that happens every Saturday during July and August in Fukuoka.  There were DJs and stalls selling beer from different countries, but I just go to walk around and look at the artists who sit or kneel along the bridge barriers painting impromptu works handing business cards to interested spectators.  A guy I've met before is playing guitar - his name is Ogawa.  He loves the Delta blues having traveled a lot of Europe and Asia but only discovering his favorite genre after spending 3 months in New Orleans, luckily before the hurricane hit.  The Japanese passport allows a maximum of 90 days on tourist visa, and he had heard about the music scene there and literally spent every single day playing on the streets and meeting people.  Unfortunately, he only plays instrumental guitar pieces in unusual tunings - I think everyone should sing especially if you play the guitar, but I understand because for about 15 years I only played instrumental pieces too.

So I'm standing on this foot bridge looking down at all the reflections of neon advertisements rippling and reforming below in the black water and an older Japanese man chooses to lean on the bridge railing to my left hanging his elbows over the side just like I am.  He says, "That river boat is drinking boat.  Many tourists drink.  Eh?  Many Chinese tourists go and drink.  But that boat is just tour boat."  He gestures toward a narrow river craft docked under an old faded sign that reads "Paaty Liba" in Japanese.  I asked him in Japanese if he'd ever ridden in either of them, and he shook his head saying, "So many Korean, Chinese, only.  No Japanese ever do."  I said, "Fukuoka is an international city!"  he nodded and then walked away dabbing his forehead with a silk handkerchief pulled from his suit jacket. 

For some reason I think of my friend Andy who always is much more adventurous when speaking with strangers or colleagues he meets for the first time.  He has this technique thats guaranteed to make an impression on anyone regardless of whether or not they're an English speaker.  It starts with some typical conversation about where you're from and what you're doing, but then the first time you struggle to produce some kind of information: a word or a memory or a mutual friend or place, Andy will insert a joke that 100% of the time confuses the other person for at least a second or two, and then he laughs.  Andy always laughs this smoky, guttural, open mouth grin that instantly cures any discomfort and puts you at ease.  Your mind tells you, "Well that was close.  I think I might have missed something, but this guy saved me.  Thanks friend!"  And then inescapably, you like Andy.  By the way, Andy is from Buenos Aires.

I'll give you an example.  I was riding in a ski gondola going up the mountain with Andy and a Japanese ski instructor who I had just met named Satoshi.  Satoshi is 10 years older than me and 15 years older than Andy, so using some basic English Satoshi gathers where Andy is from and how much he loves skiing. 

Andy asks, "What do you do during the summer?"
Satoshi says, "In Summer?  Golf!  I work here.  Golf course."
Andy says, "Oh golf!  You're outside all year then!"
Satoshi says, "Yes!  Winter and summer!  Is fun!  Walking around t ō (and), Hitting ball, t ō (and) drinking beer t ō (and) -"

Satoshi begins gesturing with two fingers toward his lips which is the international signal for smoking a cigarette.

Andy says, "Sucking cock?"
Satoshi makes a confused face clearly recognizing at least one of the two words and looks to me for translation, but I'm adjusting my goggles and looking out the window posturing as though I was lost in some deep thoughts throughout this whole exchange.

Satoshi says, "Please what?  One more time please?"
Andy says, "Sucking a cock!"  and makes the international signal for oscillating a dick between your lips using one hand.
Satoshi's face contorts to a mysterious cocktail of both complete understanding and complete non-understanding - and then Andy laughs deep and long creating a remarkable resonance as the sound is echoed off the fiberglass windows. 
Satoshi says, "Whaaaaaat!  No no no no no!  Absolutely no!  You crazy!"

I finally say, "Smoking cigarettes and drinking beer?" and Satoshi says, "Yes!  Smoking!  No cock!"  Andy reaches over and gives him a few hard pats on the shoulder saying, "I know I know!  I was fucking with you!" then laughs again, and Satoshi laughs as well. 

Now this is something I would never say to anyone, let alone a newly met co-worker.  Let alone a Japanese person while I'm a guest in Japan.  Let alone a much more experienced expert in the field who is 10 years older than me!  But that is Andy and it gets 'em every time. 

Later on, I saw Satoshi down in the staff cafeteria sitting across from me a few seats away, and he bows slightly as he places his tray on the table saying: Tsukaredesss, which is an abbreviated form of a Japanese word that kind of means "you're working hard" but its used as hello, thank you, good bye, good morning, or pretty much anytime you feel like it.  Then Andy walks by, and theres no seats left for him at our table, but when they catch each others' eye they grin simultaneously, Andy nodding his head upward lifting his eyebrows as if asking, So how was your morning?? and Satoshi vigorously shaking his head back and forth saying, "No no no no no!"  Andy does the same laugh while walking to another table, and Satoshi grins at me still shaking his head and says, "That Andy is so crazy!  So so funny!"

Connected voice though still too much film: 5 PM recorded

Reverb on Cubase 7 (too much!)

I lose interest because I stop seeing progress. 

I stop seeing progress because I start to speed up.

I speed up because I want to get better faster.

I want faster because...I want to show progress. 


To retain knowledge you have to spend time with it, and that means slowing down. 

Recently I have been feeling a light sense of accomplishment although I still haven't "written" any songs.  I have a strong classical practice.  I've unlocked techniques in my voice that I only need to refine in order to develop a more professional sound - really need to sing louder and with other people.  In other words both voice and guitar could potentially become sources of income.

So what now?  On the performance side: I need to focus on repertoire character.  Vocal character.  How do I create a style / flavor of my own that I can trademark?  To of course sound more sophisticated, have a greater command of my instruments, and attract customers.

But thats not really plan A.
I want to understand more about arrangement and layering instruments for larger songs, but first of all I really need a melody development practice.  Composition.  I still just blindly sketch melody with my voice against an accompanying harmony.  But how do I "write" in a more thoughtful way?  So I know where I am, where I'm going, and where I just came from?  I wish I had a greater command of solfege - or it'd be great to just hear / feel where I am just from my ear.  Start solfeging simpler songs maybe.  Maybe your favorite songs are a little too difficult, so try biting off a smaller piece first: pop, country, and folk tunes. 

I love jazz like I love opera. It just doesn't make sense to listen to outside of the live environment. It's still pleasurable, but the live version is so much better. It's difficult to explain.

I can always enjoy a song or a shorter classical work or a film. Compromises are stitched into the fabric to keep you apprised of what is going on. To keep you interested. Larger works are less forgiving and you either make the train or you don't. Amazing TV series maybe are the same because if you miss one episode then you're totally lost. But at least on TV you have an abundance of media to help give you clues like reading an actors face, background music, and symbolism.

The limited nature of the listener's attention span is considered. Works that don't consider this are less interesting to me. Like a speech or lecture that doesn't care if anyone experiences anything or takes anything away. I find that the navigation and execution of effective "attention grabbing" devices is a hugely difficult and important field of its own. Poetry without rhyme or rhythm is just a drone that might seem like it's going on forever whilst you're hearing it. Then it just comes down to who is the most patient or prone to distraction.

I want to make musical sandwiches that anyone can eat at anytime and feel satisfied.

With notches in my I and M finger nails..